


Nonetheless.

by justanafterthought



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Kind of angsty, M/M, Oneshot, Steve has a fear of water, this was originally posted on my main
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8636254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanafterthought/pseuds/justanafterthought
Summary: Hold yourself together. You saved the day. You're a hero.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from anonymous: write Stucky were Steve has problems w/ dealing with water after the helicarrier/ the Valkyrie and also getting nightmares too idk man i have a weakness for vulnerable Steve Rogers can u tell

He was cold.

Ice was surrounding his body, freezing each bit it went to. It seeped up from his toes to his fingertips, each burning with icy fire as it slowly encased him in the Atlantic.

Steve always knew he would die young, but even knowing that simple fact didn't prepare him for the pain of it all. He was cold, _far too cold_ , and he was going to die, he was going to die.

_Hold yourself together. You saved the day. You're a hero._

A hero. 

Ice is a slow death, but a death nonetheless.

 

\- When Steve Rogers awoke in the 21st century, he was still cold. He'd wrap himself in blankets. He'd keep his apartment temperature far higher than a room should be. He stayed away from water and he stayed away from ice.

He didn't have to tell anyone. No one asked, so why bother? _Keep it to yourself, don't show the pain, stow it away._ After all, no one saw that he'd break down if the shower ran a little cold. No one saw him doing his laundry when the water changed from hot to cold.

No one caught on. And it was just as he liked it.

 

-He was falling, falling, falling, Bucky staring at him from the collapsing helicarrier.

_Hold yourself together. You saved the day. You're a hero._

But he didn't this time. He was falling towards the water, and he was letting it happen to himself. He had help back for so long, no one was allowed to see. And so, as he fell, he couldn't help it if a sob escaped his lips before he fell into the cold water once again. 

He fell in vain.

He was going to die.

Ice was a slow death, but this was worse. Drowning or ice? Drowning might be fast, and slightly more calm, but ice was gradual, slow-building. You could get used to it.

_He didn't save the day this time._

He didn't get his choice this time. You never do, but still, it's a death nonetheless. 

 

-The Soldier knew him. The man on the bridge. He was familiar, a friend.

He fell, (and for some reason, he didn't think it was the first time he had), fell towards the Potamac, the water splashing up around him as he swam towards Captain America.

_Save him._

A gurgle of water, a breath, no matter how small. It was enough to see that Captain America was alive. And for once, it didn't matter that his mission was incomplete, because he _knew this man._ He knew this man enough to defy his handlers, to abandon his mission on a riverbank.

He'd go back to him eventually, but not yet. First, he needed to warm up. After all, he shaped the century. He might as well see what he had done.

 

-It was getting worse.

Steve, beaten and bruised was released back to the Tower, and let himself be led to his floor. An entire floor. It seemed a bit much.

But he had enough space. He wouldn't be bored. He could keep his mind off of things.

Go for a run.

_Bucky's alive._

He'd run faster.

 

He'd take a jab at a punching bag.

_I can't fucking go into water without having some sort of breakdown._

He'd go through several bags each time he went to the gym. 

_I'm useless. I'M USELESS. What kind of weakness is water?_

His thoughts were jumbled, between the water and Bucky, and he didn't know what to focus on. 

So he ran faster. He punched harder.

_Take your fucking mind off it Rogers._

 

_-Water is dangerous. Submerge into it Captain. Succumb to it. Let it fill you until you can't breathe. It's a death nonetheless._

 

Steve shook awake, his throat getting hoarse fro the constant screaming from his nightmares. He heard footsteps in the hallway, stopping outside the door, and Steve could just feel the hesitance radiating off Bucky. 

"Steve?"

"I'm fine Buck. Bad dream." Bucky turned the knob slowly, peering inside the dark bedroom.

"Fifth night this week." Steve laid up in bed, running a hand over his face and through his hair.

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I should just try to get some more sleep-"

"Steve..."

"I'm fine!" Bucky took a step back towards the door.

_Keep it together Rogers._

Steve brought his hands to his face, hiding behind his palms. Bucky made his way over to the bed, sitting down next to Steve. Carefully, he put an arm around his shaking body.

"I'm drownin' Buck. I'm drownin'." Steve leaned into Bucky, tears getting on his shirt. "I can't swim anymore Buck, I can't." Bucky was rubbing circles into his back, comforting him with a gentle voice.

"Then let me help you stay afloat." He pressed a kiss to Steve's temple, and he felt Steve relax against him.

 

-It wasn't easy. Nothing important ever is.

But it could get better. Steve could see it now. He wasn't alone, and he knew people cared.

 

He didn't have to hide behind his weakness.

He didn't try to silence his screams at night.

He didn't break down in the shower when the water ran cold. He flinched, and turned up the head. His apartment was cold? He threw on a hoodie. He could get through this.

 

It wasn't easy, but it was life nonetheless.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Go over to my main  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/jecroisentoi
> 
> Thanks,  
> Dorian


End file.
